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Sometimes I wish I knew how to un-fuck myself,
When I say this I am not talking about sex.
Some day’s I am feeling myself,
Then there are those days when I feel nothing.
It’s like being trapped in a place where my thoughts are overbearing,
the weight of the world is nestled on my head,
I have no strength to carry it.
No matter how strong my appearance seem,
All I want to do is pull my hair out and scream.
Nothing makes sense as I clench to what little sanity I have left.
Anxiety holds me captive,
Not as a patriot, but more like a POW.
Between myself and depression a war brews,
I always end up being the casualty.
I come bearing smiles but my body is scarred beyond recognition,
And my soul is like a scared child,
Longing for just a hug or a warm smile.
No one knows the terror I am tormented with,
If they do they still don’t care.
By the things, I do I am classified as being weird.
I kill myself trying to fit in with a crowd that does not need me,
Myself kills me for indulging.
I can’t remember one past time of a happy memory,
Everything reminds me of the cuttings.
Many books decorated with suicide notes.
When I think about it all,
My whole being has always felt like it’s an encampment for little demons;
They are always raging wars.
Still, when I look in the mirror I see true beauty,
I don’t see this person,
I don’t see that person.
I see only me.
©Xavier J. Frazer
I missed all my followers and friends nonetheless i am back.Gone for a minute, now I am back!
I’d once thought of love as fragrance
that produces a long lasting aroma,
An attraction that many can’t ignore,
Then I met you and the scent became unattractive.
Anything graced by your presence dies, be it tangible or not,
Clouds no longer hover above your head without producing lightening,
Before you love was magnificent,
Now I don’t even know what to think.
In my eyes loves color is lost,
An image it use to occupy in my mind
as long since faded,
Birds are now silent for they’ve lost their melodies and daylight has gone into hiding giving birth to only darkness.
The rhapsody lingers no more,
Silence remaining ever present,
You’re the sweetest soul I’d ever met,
But then you became the bitter devil I should’ve avoided.
© Xavier J. Frazer
So the haitus I took was much longer than I had expected, nonetheless during that time of self reflection, I have been working on two manuscripts simultaneously. Each manuscript upon completion will take on a life of it’s own.
The first will be befittingly titled DRIED ROSES; this book of poems speaks on matters relating to the pains and woes of being in a toxic relationship. With each gem that is penned the reader will be able to relate whether he/she has had similar experiences.
The second will be befittingly entitled UNORTHODOX MUSING; this book of poems will take you into world of an underserved youth, where anguish, frustration, death, Injustices amongst other things are ever present. With this book you will live through his eyes, die and be saved.
So be on the lookout for these upcoming collections. But before I go here’s a sip, a taste of what DRIED ROSES will be offering;
Her personality; abysmal,
An acerbic one
acetylene It gave an ache,
And I was a sheep
to her abattoir.
My death came quick
Then I was forgotten.
© Xavier J. Frazer
I have been absent from my blogging it’s not even funny. I am back though, after going through a tidal wave of life, love and family issues. To my fellow bloggers be on the lookout for my new and exciting works. I do hope the New Year has been treating you all well.
There’s many storms brewing
Yet, when I present myself to you,
I am as calm as the midday sea
I spend days fighting a never-ending battle,
A war I have no chance of winning.
I pretend to be who I am not
Trapped and restrained the real me,
I’ve have been hurt too many times to count
Injuries they’re overwhelming,
I sit sulking away over a bottle of gin & pineapple juice
Though they do nothing to numb this pain;
I succumbed to my emotions.
My outward appearance seems strong
Yet, behind closed doors, I am like a sponge submerged in water,
Reminiscing with tears as they lose grip of my water-based eyes
Heaven knows I have grown weary of putting on this show,
I tire of the scenes I play
And the all too familiar cast I know,
Still, I await these curtains to come down
Putting an end to this on-going fiasco;
Maybe then I will have some closure.
© Xavier J. Frazer
Hey guys sorry for my absence, been extremely busy with life and all. I recently got married and I am currently working on two unfinished manuscript. But I will be posting poems, Bi-weekly starting tomorrow.
Greetings one and all!
I have been absent from blogging for quite sometime, due to the fact that I have been working on my second book of poems. I promise to start blogging more frequently after I have gotten everything settled.
With that being said i would like to offer my fellow Bloggers, Authors, Poets, Writers and all those who are following my blog and opportunity to read my first collection of poems for free. When I say free I mean totally FREE!!!
However I do ask that you kindly make an honest review about the collection on Amazon.com I would greatly appreciate it.
So you can contact me @firstname.lastname@example.org and I will send the PDF to you via email. Or you can just comment your email in the comment section and I will do the rest.
One Love and Respect Everytime!!