Hi there everyone! I hope all is well? This pass few years has been hard on some of us, if not all of us. Yet with the grace of the heavens we still manage to be pulling through. All I have been doing through this time is penning out my pain as a remedy to pass time. I will be returning with new materials for you all to read and indulge in. Continue to stay safe, keep praying in these trying times.
Light and love to you y’all!
I survive everything meant to destroy me,
Yet, you’re the one I couldn’t avoid.
Like a victim, ailing from COVID-19
I have quarantine this pain,
Isolating all these disoriented emotions.
Like David vs Goliath,
I had to fight your giant of a love;
Though it appears I have won this battle,
It turns out I have lost the war.
You sold me a dream,
Then delivered me a nightmare.
You’ve acquired a front-row seat to my suffering,
Only thing remaining is my inevitable death,
And I can see the changes.
So much that I don’t face myself in the mirror,
Being Stephano DiMera;
Our situation was young and restless,
I felt like Bo from days of our lives,
I thought I would never lose Hope.
Being around you was the source of my strength,
Of late it felt like you’re kryptonite;
My weakness.
Fatigue taking over,
I hallucinate on the hour.
It feels like I am being persecuted by an unjust love,
Tortured by a heart that gave you its trust;
And I am at war with my whole being,
For nothing works in accordance with each other.
Now, the future I saw in your eyes,
As become this cursed reality I have to live by.
I wanted us to chase the stars together,
Using their connection to lasso the moon,
I am left to watch them go up in flames.
I blame myself,
I shouldn’t have given you more than your weight.
Now, the burden is overbearing,
And I am left in this miserable state.
©Xavier J. Frazer
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Sometimes I wish I knew how to un-fuck myself,
When I say this I am not talking about sex.
Some day’s I am feeling myself,
Then there are those days when I feel nothing.
It’s like being trapped in a place where my thoughts are overbearing,
the weight of the world is nestled on my head,
I have no strength to carry it.
No matter how strong my appearance seem,
All I want to do is pull my hair out and scream.
Nothing makes sense as I clench to what little sanity I have left.
Anxiety holds me captive,
Not as a patriot, but more like a POW.
Between myself and depression a war brews,
I always end up being the casualty.
I come bearing smiles but my body is scarred beyond recognition,
And my soul is like a scared child,
Longing for just a hug or a warm smile.
No one knows the terror I am tormented with,
If they do they still don’t care.
By the things, I do I am classified as being weird.
I kill myself trying to fit in with a crowd that does not need me,
Myself kills me for indulging.
I can’t remember one past time of a happy memory,
Everything reminds me of the cuttings.
Many books decorated with suicide notes.
When I think about it all,
My whole being has always felt like it’s an encampment for little demons;
They are always raging wars.
Still, when I look in the mirror I see true beauty,
I don’t see this person,
I don’t see that person.
I see only me.
©Xavier J. Frazer
I missed all my followers and friends nonetheless i am back.Gone for a minute, now I am back!
I’d once thought of love as fragrance
that produces a long lasting aroma,
An attraction that many can’t ignore,
Then I met you and the scent became unattractive.
Anything graced by your presence dies, be it tangible or not,
Clouds no longer hover above your head without producing lightening,
Before you love was magnificent,
Now I don’t even know what to think.
In my eyes loves color is lost,
An image it use to occupy in my mind
as long since faded,
Birds are now silent for they’ve lost their melodies and daylight has gone into hiding giving birth to only darkness.
The rhapsody lingers no more,
Silence remaining ever present,
You’re the sweetest soul I’d ever met,
But then you became the bitter devil I should’ve avoided.
© Xavier J. Frazer
So the haitus I took was much longer than I had expected, nonetheless during that time of self reflection, I have been working on two manuscripts simultaneously. Each manuscript upon completion will take on a life of it’s own.
The first will be befittingly titled DRIED ROSES; this book of poems speaks on matters relating to the pains and woes of being in a toxic relationship. With each gem that is penned the reader will be able to relate whether he/she has had similar experiences.
The second will be befittingly entitled UNORTHODOX MUSING; this book of poems will take you into world of an underserved youth, where anguish, frustration, death, Injustices amongst other things are ever present. With this book you will live through his eyes, die and be saved.
So be on the lookout for these upcoming collections. But before I go here’s a sip, a taste of what DRIED ROSES will be offering;
ABATTOIR
Her personality; abysmal,
An acerbic one
and like
acetylene It gave an ache,
And I was a sheep
to her abattoir.
My death came quick
and painless…
Then I was forgotten.
© Xavier J. Frazer
I have been absent from my blogging it’s not even funny. I am back though, after going through a tidal wave of life, love and family issues. To my fellow bloggers be on the lookout for my new and exciting works. I do hope the New Year has been treating you all well.
There’s many storms brewing
Yet, when I present myself to you,
I am as calm as the midday sea
I spend days fighting a never-ending battle,
A war I have no chance of winning.
I pretend to be who I am not
Trapped and restrained the real me,
I’ve have been hurt too many times to count
Injuries they’re overwhelming,
I sit sulking away over a bottle of gin & pineapple juice
Though they do nothing to numb this pain;
I succumbed to my emotions.
My outward appearance seems strong
Yet, behind closed doors, I am like a sponge submerged in water,
Reminiscing with tears as they lose grip of my water-based eyes
Heaven knows I have grown weary of putting on this show,
I tire of the scenes I play
And the all too familiar cast I know,
Still, I await these curtains to come down
Putting an end to this on-going fiasco;
Maybe then I will have some closure.
© Xavier J. Frazer
"X" Marks The Spot 