ONE THE INSIDE

Sometimes I wish I knew how to un-fuck myself,

When I say this I am not talking about sex.

Some day’s I am feeling myself,

Then there are those days when I feel nothing.

It’s like being trapped in a place where my thoughts are overbearing,

the weight of the world is nestled on my head,

I have no strength to carry it.

No matter how strong my appearance seem,

All I want to do is pull my hair out and scream.

Nothing makes sense as I clench to what little sanity I have left.

Anxiety holds me captive,

Not as a patriot, but more like a POW.

Between myself and depression a war brews,

I always end up being the casualty.

I come bearing smiles but my body is scarred beyond recognition,

And my soul is like a scared child,

Longing for just a hug or a warm smile.

No one knows the terror I am tormented with,

If they do they still don’t care.

By the things, I do I am classified as being weird.

I kill myself trying to fit in with a crowd that does not need me,

Myself kills me for indulging.

I can’t remember one past time of a happy memory,

Everything reminds me of the cuttings.

Many books decorated with suicide notes.

When I think about it all,

My whole being has always felt like it’s an encampment for little demons;

They are always raging wars.

Still, when I look in the mirror I see true beauty,

I don’t see this person,

I don’t see that person.

I see only me.

©Xavier J. Frazer

Concrete Rose

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Imagine being raised in the most unpleasant of environments,
Temperature humid,
Atmosphere far from being great.
Dons and guns reigning,
Showering bullets more than it  rains.
This inhumane climate,
Intensified by the adverse effects of global warming,
Is like a category 5 hurricane,
Which gave no sign of a warning.
Don’t expect help from your neighbours,
The citizens here aren’t that charming.
So please don’t find it alarming,
That these gunmen have a lot of corn,
And no they’re not meant for farming.
Criminals roam the streets,
Day and night,
Without concern for who they’re harming.
So while you sleep and hug your darling,
It’s a different story here
These are the injustices,
Law abiding citizens bear.
Sleepless nights filled with anguish and fear,
Hopelessly calling for help but no one hears.
Surrounded by lifeless souls
And countless carcasses,
Just waiting to be placed in holes,
Suffocating by lies,
While battling for the truth.
Dreams turn into nightmares,
Unpleasantries everywhere.
Amidst all this chaos,
A concrete rose thrives,
Though plagued with unsurmountable destruction,
Adorned with damaged petals,
Somehow,
It survives.