ONE THE INSIDE

Sometimes I wish I knew how to un-fuck myself,

When I say this I am not talking about sex.

Some day’s I am feeling myself,

Then there are those days when I feel nothing.

It’s like being trapped in a place where my thoughts are overbearing,

the weight of the world is nestled on my head,

I have no strength to carry it.

No matter how strong my appearance seem,

All I want to do is pull my hair out and scream.

Nothing makes sense as I clench to what little sanity I have left.

Anxiety holds me captive,

Not as a patriot, but more like a POW.

Between myself and depression a war brews,

I always end up being the casualty.

I come bearing smiles but my body is scarred beyond recognition,

And my soul is like a scared child,

Longing for just a hug or a warm smile.

No one knows the terror I am tormented with,

If they do they still don’t care.

By the things, I do I am classified as being weird.

I kill myself trying to fit in with a crowd that does not need me,

Myself kills me for indulging.

I can’t remember one past time of a happy memory,

Everything reminds me of the cuttings.

Many books decorated with suicide notes.

When I think about it all,

My whole being has always felt like it’s an encampment for little demons;

They are always raging wars.

Still, when I look in the mirror I see true beauty,

I don’t see this person,

I don’t see that person.

I see only me.

©Xavier J. Frazer

Information and a Poem

So the haitus I took was much longer than I had expected, nonetheless during that time of self reflection, I have been working on two manuscripts simultaneously. Each manuscript upon completion will take on a life of it’s own.

The first will be befittingly titled DRIED ROSES; this book of poems speaks on matters relating to the pains and woes of being in a toxic relationship. With each gem that is penned the reader will be able to relate whether he/she has had similar experiences.

The second will be befittingly entitled UNORTHODOX MUSING; this book of poems will take you into world of an underserved youth, where anguish, frustration, death, Injustices amongst other things are ever present. With this book you will live through his eyes, die and be saved.

So be on the lookout for these upcoming collections. But before I go here’s a sip, a taste of what DRIED ROSES will be offering;

ABATTOIR

Her personality; abysmal,

An acerbic one

and like

acetylene It gave an ache,

And I was a sheep

to her abattoir.

My death came quick

and painless…

Then I was forgotten.

© Xavier J. Frazer

Greetings

I have been absent from my blogging it’s not even funny. I am back though, after going through a tidal wave of life, love and family issues. To my fellow bloggers be on the lookout for my new and exciting works. I do hope the New Year has been treating you all well.

first interview since I wrote my book.

​i was interviewed by a Jamaican journalist by the name of Ashleigh Ann Mowatt. Check it out.

http://jamaicans.com/stories-wrongfully-accused-murder-xavier-frazer/

Please Vote For My Poem

Good day fellow poets, scribes, wordsmith, master writers, family, friends, supporters and well wishers I humbly ask if you please could go vote for my poem ‘A GIFT LOST’ on Realistic Poetry International facebook page, as the image says I am contestant #75 Xavier J. Frazer. Once you get to the page all you need to do is like, comment and share the poem all of which adds up to one vote. Thank you in advance.

A GIFT LOST 

The radio plays songs that induce feelings, 

I sometimes wish I never had, 

For they open wounds that never heal. 

As the stars whisper to the moon, 

I thought of how you were the fire that melted my frozen heart, like butter in the sun. 

I thought of how my stomach you once filled with butterflies, 

And how you left me speechless, yet full of laughter. 

You were the foundation I wanted to build my home on, 

But you became a blueprint without a plan, 

I see people close their eyes to  dream, with you I only had to open mine. 

When you looked at me my heart skipped beats, my eyes twinkle and your smile made me fall in love all over again. 

You had a savage kind of personality, like that of wolves, 

But your heart was as soft as wool. 

You were a beautiful disaster, like chaos really! 

Your smile dared me to fall in love. 

You were the love that existed, 

Yet the love lost, 

You were a prized possession, 

Yet the gift I naively lost. 

©Xavier J. Frazer.

Rewards certificate

I have received a honourary certificate for my book ‘Soul Cry’.  I look forward to the support from my fellow bloggers and poets. Go get yourself a copy of my book, indulge yourself in a soulful reading.

Thank you in advance.