ONE THE INSIDE

Sometimes I wish I knew how to un-fuck myself,

When I say this I am not talking about sex.

Some day’s I am feeling myself,

Then there are those days when I feel nothing.

It’s like being trapped in a place where my thoughts are overbearing,

the weight of the world is nestled on my head,

I have no strength to carry it.

No matter how strong my appearance seem,

All I want to do is pull my hair out and scream.

Nothing makes sense as I clench to what little sanity I have left.

Anxiety holds me captive,

Not as a patriot, but more like a POW.

Between myself and depression a war brews,

I always end up being the casualty.

I come bearing smiles but my body is scarred beyond recognition,

And my soul is like a scared child,

Longing for just a hug or a warm smile.

No one knows the terror I am tormented with,

If they do they still don’t care.

By the things, I do I am classified as being weird.

I kill myself trying to fit in with a crowd that does not need me,

Myself kills me for indulging.

I can’t remember one past time of a happy memory,

Everything reminds me of the cuttings.

Many books decorated with suicide notes.

When I think about it all,

My whole being has always felt like it’s an encampment for little demons;

They are always raging wars.

Still, when I look in the mirror I see true beauty,

I don’t see this person,

I don’t see that person.

I see only me.

©Xavier J. Frazer

Broken

image

My heart lays before me, returned on the platter i served it on.
Nothing hurts more like rejection from the one i thought i understood.
I’ve lost the strength,
To linger and lust at the sound of your name.
I am done trying to get back with you,
All attempts were futile.
I’ve lost the race,
When all I needed was confidence to win.
You left me broken,
But broken is where I found my strength.
I loved you selflessly,
I got nothing in return for that.
I am done being your fool,
You rejected me, left me to see the worst.
All I gave you was my love,
Was it not enough?
We’re just fragments of what we use to be,
We’re now like a dissipated memory.
We’re like echo’s of a nightmare,
I’ve been cursed to live with.
Though I navigate through tortuous waters and have weathered unbelievable storms.
I am still beyond repair.

© Xavier Frazer