LOVE EPIDEMIC

I survive everything meant to destroy me,

Yet, you’re the one I couldn’t avoid.

Like a victim, ailing from COVID-19

I have quarantine this pain,

Isolating all these disoriented emotions.

Like David vs Goliath,

I had to fight your giant of a love;

Though it appears I have won this battle,

It turns out I have lost the war.

You sold me a dream,

Then delivered me a nightmare.

You’ve acquired a front-row seat to my suffering,

Only thing remaining is my inevitable death,

And I can see the changes.

So much that I don’t face myself in the mirror,

Being Stephano DiMera;

Our situation was young and restless,

I felt like Bo from days of our lives,

I thought I would never lose Hope.

Being around you was the source of my strength,

Of late it felt like you’re kryptonite;

My weakness.

Fatigue taking over,

I hallucinate on the hour.

It feels like I am being persecuted by an unjust love,

Tortured by a heart that gave you its trust;

And I am at war with my whole being,

For nothing works in accordance with each other.

Now, the future I saw in your eyes,

As become this cursed reality I have to live by.

I wanted us to chase the stars together,

Using their connection to lasso the moon,

I am left to watch them go up in flames.

I blame myself,

I shouldn’t have given you more than your weight.

Now, the burden is overbearing,

And I am left in this miserable state.

©Xavier J. Frazer

ONE THE INSIDE

Sometimes I wish I knew how to un-fuck myself,

When I say this I am not talking about sex.

Some day’s I am feeling myself,

Then there are those days when I feel nothing.

It’s like being trapped in a place where my thoughts are overbearing,

the weight of the world is nestled on my head,

I have no strength to carry it.

No matter how strong my appearance seem,

All I want to do is pull my hair out and scream.

Nothing makes sense as I clench to what little sanity I have left.

Anxiety holds me captive,

Not as a patriot, but more like a POW.

Between myself and depression a war brews,

I always end up being the casualty.

I come bearing smiles but my body is scarred beyond recognition,

And my soul is like a scared child,

Longing for just a hug or a warm smile.

No one knows the terror I am tormented with,

If they do they still don’t care.

By the things, I do I am classified as being weird.

I kill myself trying to fit in with a crowd that does not need me,

Myself kills me for indulging.

I can’t remember one past time of a happy memory,

Everything reminds me of the cuttings.

Many books decorated with suicide notes.

When I think about it all,

My whole being has always felt like it’s an encampment for little demons;

They are always raging wars.

Still, when I look in the mirror I see true beauty,

I don’t see this person,

I don’t see that person.

I see only me.

©Xavier J. Frazer

Broken

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My heart lays before me, returned on the platter i served it on.
Nothing hurts more like rejection from the one i thought i understood.
I’ve lost the strength,
To linger and lust at the sound of your name.
I am done trying to get back with you,
All attempts were futile.
I’ve lost the race,
When all I needed was confidence to win.
You left me broken,
But broken is where I found my strength.
I loved you selflessly,
I got nothing in return for that.
I am done being your fool,
You rejected me, left me to see the worst.
All I gave you was my love,
Was it not enough?
We’re just fragments of what we use to be,
We’re now like a dissipated memory.
We’re like echo’s of a nightmare,
I’ve been cursed to live with.
Though I navigate through tortuous waters and have weathered unbelievable storms.
I am still beyond repair.

© Xavier Frazer