Hi there everyone! I hope all is well? This pass few years has been hard on some of us, if not all of us. Yet with the grace of the heavens we still manage to be pulling through. All I have been doing through this time is penning out my pain as a remedy to pass time. I will be returning with new materials for you all to read and indulge in. Continue to stay safe, keep praying in these trying times.
Light and love to you y’all!
I survive everything meant to destroy me,
Yet, you’re the one I couldn’t avoid.
Like a victim, ailing from COVID-19
I have quarantine this pain,
Isolating all these disoriented emotions.
Like David vs Goliath,
I had to fight your giant of a love;
Though it appears I have won this battle,
It turns out I have lost the war.
You sold me a dream,
Then delivered me a nightmare.
You’ve acquired a front-row seat to my suffering,
Only thing remaining is my inevitable death,
And I can see the changes.
So much that I don’t face myself in the mirror,
Being Stephano DiMera;
Our situation was young and restless,
I felt like Bo from days of our lives,
I thought I would never lose Hope.
Being around you was the source of my strength,
Of late it felt like you’re kryptonite;
My weakness.
Fatigue taking over,
I hallucinate on the hour.
It feels like I am being persecuted by an unjust love,
Tortured by a heart that gave you its trust;
And I am at war with my whole being,
For nothing works in accordance with each other.
Now, the future I saw in your eyes,
As become this cursed reality I have to live by.
I wanted us to chase the stars together,
Using their connection to lasso the moon,
I am left to watch them go up in flames.
I blame myself,
I shouldn’t have given you more than your weight.
Now, the burden is overbearing,
And I am left in this miserable state.
©Xavier J. Frazer
Sometimes I wish I knew how to un-fuck myself,
When I say this I am not talking about sex.
Some day’s I am feeling myself,
Then there are those days when I feel nothing.
It’s like being trapped in a place where my thoughts are overbearing,
the weight of the world is nestled on my head,
I have no strength to carry it.
No matter how strong my appearance seem,
All I want to do is pull my hair out and scream.
Nothing makes sense as I clench to what little sanity I have left.
Anxiety holds me captive,
Not as a patriot, but more like a POW.
Between myself and depression a war brews,
I always end up being the casualty.
I come bearing smiles but my body is scarred beyond recognition,
And my soul is like a scared child,
Longing for just a hug or a warm smile.
No one knows the terror I am tormented with,
If they do they still don’t care.
By the things, I do I am classified as being weird.
I kill myself trying to fit in with a crowd that does not need me,
Myself kills me for indulging.
I can’t remember one past time of a happy memory,
Everything reminds me of the cuttings.
Many books decorated with suicide notes.
When I think about it all,
My whole being has always felt like it’s an encampment for little demons;
They are always raging wars.
Still, when I look in the mirror I see true beauty,
I don’t see this person,
I don’t see that person.
I see only me.
©Xavier J. Frazer
I’d once thought of love as fragrance
that produces a long lasting aroma,
An attraction that many can’t ignore,
Then I met you and the scent became unattractive.
Anything graced by your presence dies, be it tangible or not,
Clouds no longer hover above your head without producing lightening,
Before you love was magnificent,
Now I don’t even know what to think.
In my eyes loves color is lost,
An image it use to occupy in my mind
as long since faded,
Birds are now silent for they’ve lost their melodies and daylight has gone into hiding giving birth to only darkness.
The rhapsody lingers no more,
Silence remaining ever present,
You’re the sweetest soul I’d ever met,
But then you became the bitter devil I should’ve avoided.
© Xavier J. Frazer
So the haitus I took was much longer than I had expected, nonetheless during that time of self reflection, I have been working on two manuscripts simultaneously. Each manuscript upon completion will take on a life of it’s own.
The first will be befittingly titled DRIED ROSES; this book of poems speaks on matters relating to the pains and woes of being in a toxic relationship. With each gem that is penned the reader will be able to relate whether he/she has had similar experiences.
The second will be befittingly entitled UNORTHODOX MUSING; this book of poems will take you into world of an underserved youth, where anguish, frustration, death, Injustices amongst other things are ever present. With this book you will live through his eyes, die and be saved.
So be on the lookout for these upcoming collections. But before I go here’s a sip, a taste of what DRIED ROSES will be offering;
ABATTOIR
Her personality; abysmal,
An acerbic one
and like
acetylene It gave an ache,
And I was a sheep
to her abattoir.
My death came quick
and painless…
Then I was forgotten.
© Xavier J. Frazer
I have been absent from my blogging it’s not even funny. I am back though, after going through a tidal wave of life, love and family issues. To my fellow bloggers be on the lookout for my new and exciting works. I do hope the New Year has been treating you all well.
Society’s view of us,
is like the negatives of a photograph,
we are only seen like the full stops and commas to a sentence.
separating us by Religion and race,
while diminishing our faith.
Truth is we are one as sentient beings,
in heavenly grace.
See whatever you look like never really mattered to me, just feeling your aura and vibe eternally.
I am you, and you are me,
my outer appearance does not define who I am.
what you see shouldn’t matter,
for we all share the same history,
We just traveled on different routes.
Don’t you see if we’re stabbed or shot,
we bleed the same blood?
Let’s not be defined by what we look like, Black or White,
weight or height,
brawns or by brains.
Let’s be defined by our names.
Let’s not be define by where we are from,
for we are one despite what we’re taught.
The standards have been set, it’s engraved within our souls.
Teaching the future generations how to hate,
The moment they step in the gate,
This shit is really getting old.
We must love under the stars,
And accept who we are.
While forgetting about color,
Let’s be at peace with each other.
So love can reign in our hearts.
I am in love with an idea,
it is a crazy idea but I don’t wanna stop.
The idea is me holding your hands,
fixing your hair the way you like it.
It is me kissing your face,
playing with your toes.
It is me fixing you a treat,
or running you a bath.
Getting you dressed,
or putting you to bed.
It is you laughing at my jokes, making funny faces just to evoke a smile.
The idea is me caressing your skin,
invading your space.
Taking control of your mind with my whispers,
It is me creating rhythm with your body symmetrically and systematically
It is me making you fall like rain,
and your body crashing like thunder.
The idea is me making you erupt like a volcano.
I like this idea, as crazy as it seems,
I hope for our sake it will not only be a dream.
But a reality for us to share, and cherish.
This idea begins in the mind, and I hope it ends in the heart.
The idea is us making love.
Tina Turner said it best,
“love is nothing but a second hand emotion”,
for me love is without devotion.
I love to love,
but love doesn’t love me.
love has always been home,
for that’s where it’s safe.
Love is pure.
Love is how the sun and the moon switch shifts,
taking turns to smile at us,
while the stars keep check of the time.
Love is there and nowhere,
love is felt and forgotten,
like a distant memory.
You see love is everywhere but not here.
Love is like grapefruit and honey,
A combination that is bitter sweet.
It’s elusive like a butterfly,
that’s rewarding when caught.
Love is like a bee, that goes from flower to flower,
leaving pollens along its path.
Love is something we all need,
it’s like the oxygen we breathe.
We strive to acquire it,
for its every man’s desire.
Love is tricky to understand,
Yet we all want to be loved.
Its like our helping hand,
Trying to place us miles above.
It feels so good we forget to breathe,
And that’s when most of us fall for defeat.
Love is like a coat,
that keeps us warm through a storm.
But when your too busy loving others,
You forget to love yourself.
How selfless is that?
You love to love your lover,
Yet love loves itself.
I will never forgive love,
for not letting me love her back.
© Xavier Frazer 2016
I saw her cry for the first time,
after she read the first line.
I didn’t make much of it for i thought it was a joke,
the tears still continues to flow.
I really didn’t think she cared,
for much she didn’t share.
I stand flabbergasted as I stared,
Lost in thought,
I wonder if I should hand her my handkerchief.
To wipe the tears flowing down her face.
My pained face stares turned cold,
for I thought it was a waste of ones tears.
She cried for the times she wasted,
invested,
in a bank that was created out of dishonesty.
No withdrawals could be made.
I pondered why?
The only answer was that her account was put on freeze,
Just because she wore her
Heart out on her sleeves.
As the clock ticks,
The time goes,
her tears continue to flow.
From teary eyes,
down sagging cheeks,
and into the palm of her hands.
Then finally the floor.
It makes no sense to comfort her,
for I am the cause of her displeasure.
So it’s best to let her be,
For she cried after she read the first line by me.
~ Xavier Frazer ©
"X" Marks The Spot 