DIED LIVING

Some days it feels like the walls are closing in

No one hears or listens to the pain I am in,

I wonder if I am cursed or perhaps I have committed an unholy sin.

Always tethered to take the loss,

Not even one chance at winning.

It’s hard to keep my thoughts in check

When all I do is overthink,

My mind always has it foot on the accelerator.

People who I thought would’ve held me down,

Tend to be the ones who has an hold of the knife in my back.

I can’t even breathe a breath of fresh air

the atmosphere of toxicity,

Is all that I live in.

Striving to live, yet still I am struggling,

Needing help but no fucks giving.

In this hell hole I keep sinking,

Quicker than quicksand.

I am dying to live.

Still, I have died living!

©️Xavier J. Frazer

Hi there everyone! I hope all is well? This pass few years has been hard on some of us, if not all of us. Yet with the grace of the heavens we still manage to be pulling through. All I have been doing through this time is penning out my pain as a remedy to pass time. I will be returning with new materials for you all to read and indulge in. Continue to stay safe, keep praying in these trying times.

Light and love to you y’all!

LOVE EPIDEMIC

I survive everything meant to destroy me,

Yet, you’re the one I couldn’t avoid.

Like a victim, ailing from COVID-19

I have quarantine this pain,

Isolating all these disoriented emotions.

Like David vs Goliath,

I had to fight your giant of a love;

Though it appears I have won this battle,

It turns out I have lost the war.

You sold me a dream,

Then delivered me a nightmare.

You’ve acquired a front-row seat to my suffering,

Only thing remaining is my inevitable death,

And I can see the changes.

So much that I don’t face myself in the mirror,

Being Stephano DiMera;

Our situation was young and restless,

I felt like Bo from days of our lives,

I thought I would never lose Hope.

Being around you was the source of my strength,

Of late it felt like you’re kryptonite;

My weakness.

Fatigue taking over,

I hallucinate on the hour.

It feels like I am being persecuted by an unjust love,

Tortured by a heart that gave you its trust;

And I am at war with my whole being,

For nothing works in accordance with each other.

Now, the future I saw in your eyes,

As become this cursed reality I have to live by.

I wanted us to chase the stars together,

Using their connection to lasso the moon,

I am left to watch them go up in flames.

I blame myself,

I shouldn’t have given you more than your weight.

Now, the burden is overbearing,

And I am left in this miserable state.

©Xavier J. Frazer

ONE THE INSIDE

Sometimes I wish I knew how to un-fuck myself,

When I say this I am not talking about sex.

Some day’s I am feeling myself,

Then there are those days when I feel nothing.

It’s like being trapped in a place where my thoughts are overbearing,

the weight of the world is nestled on my head,

I have no strength to carry it.

No matter how strong my appearance seem,

All I want to do is pull my hair out and scream.

Nothing makes sense as I clench to what little sanity I have left.

Anxiety holds me captive,

Not as a patriot, but more like a POW.

Between myself and depression a war brews,

I always end up being the casualty.

I come bearing smiles but my body is scarred beyond recognition,

And my soul is like a scared child,

Longing for just a hug or a warm smile.

No one knows the terror I am tormented with,

If they do they still don’t care.

By the things, I do I am classified as being weird.

I kill myself trying to fit in with a crowd that does not need me,

Myself kills me for indulging.

I can’t remember one past time of a happy memory,

Everything reminds me of the cuttings.

Many books decorated with suicide notes.

When I think about it all,

My whole being has always felt like it’s an encampment for little demons;

They are always raging wars.

Still, when I look in the mirror I see true beauty,

I don’t see this person,

I don’t see that person.

I see only me.

©Xavier J. Frazer

Information and a Poem

So the haitus I took was much longer than I had expected, nonetheless during that time of self reflection, I have been working on two manuscripts simultaneously. Each manuscript upon completion will take on a life of it’s own.

The first will be befittingly titled DRIED ROSES; this book of poems speaks on matters relating to the pains and woes of being in a toxic relationship. With each gem that is penned the reader will be able to relate whether he/she has had similar experiences.

The second will be befittingly entitled UNORTHODOX MUSING; this book of poems will take you into world of an underserved youth, where anguish, frustration, death, Injustices amongst other things are ever present. With this book you will live through his eyes, die and be saved.

So be on the lookout for these upcoming collections. But before I go here’s a sip, a taste of what DRIED ROSES will be offering;

ABATTOIR

Her personality; abysmal,

An acerbic one

and like

acetylene It gave an ache,

And I was a sheep

to her abattoir.

My death came quick

and painless…

Then I was forgotten.

© Xavier J. Frazer

HI

Greetings one and all!

I have been absent from blogging for quite sometime, due to the fact that I have been working on my second book of poems. I promise to start blogging more frequently after I have gotten everything settled. 

With that being said i would like to offer my fellow Bloggers, Authors, Poets, Writers and all those who are following my blog and opportunity to read my first collection of poems for free. When I say free I  mean totally FREE!!! 

However I do ask that you kindly make an honest review about the collection on Amazon.com I would greatly appreciate it.

So you can contact me @xaydapoet@gmail.com and I will send the PDF to you via email. Or you can just comment your email in the comment section and I will do the rest.
One Love and Respect Everytime!!

first interview since I wrote my book.

​i was interviewed by a Jamaican journalist by the name of Ashleigh Ann Mowatt. Check it out.

http://jamaicans.com/stories-wrongfully-accused-murder-xavier-frazer/

Please Vote For My Poem

Good day fellow poets, scribes, wordsmith, master writers, family, friends, supporters and well wishers I humbly ask if you please could go vote for my poem ‘A GIFT LOST’ on Realistic Poetry International facebook page, as the image says I am contestant #75 Xavier J. Frazer. Once you get to the page all you need to do is like, comment and share the poem all of which adds up to one vote. Thank you in advance.

A GIFT LOST 

The radio plays songs that induce feelings, 

I sometimes wish I never had, 

For they open wounds that never heal. 

As the stars whisper to the moon, 

I thought of how you were the fire that melted my frozen heart, like butter in the sun. 

I thought of how my stomach you once filled with butterflies, 

And how you left me speechless, yet full of laughter. 

You were the foundation I wanted to build my home on, 

But you became a blueprint without a plan, 

I see people close their eyes to  dream, with you I only had to open mine. 

When you looked at me my heart skipped beats, my eyes twinkle and your smile made me fall in love all over again. 

You had a savage kind of personality, like that of wolves, 

But your heart was as soft as wool. 

You were a beautiful disaster, like chaos really! 

Your smile dared me to fall in love. 

You were the love that existed, 

Yet the love lost, 

You were a prized possession, 

Yet the gift I naively lost. 

©Xavier J. Frazer.

Review of my book

My book has been reviewed by Melanin Book Bloggers, it has been rated five stars also described as being powerful. This is what they had to say;

Soul Cry takes you on a journey. Somehow Xavier J. Frazier has manged to put into words the frustration, despair, injustice, love, hope and struggle we all feel at one point or another.

Through his words you are able to envision yourself walking among the natives of Kingston, Jamaica. He brings you into to a world that resonates beauty, music, danger, death and survival.

No poetry masterpiece wouldn’t be complete without the battle of LOVE. “I love you but I had to keep you in the dark, for I know the truth would’ve torn your heart apart.” ~ Guilty Conscience

I believe every writer can identify with “Chaos of the Mind”. My favorite passage for this poem is: “How can I see the beauty of my mind? When it’s in complete chaos?

Other favorites: Distant Heart, Black Skin, BLACK WOMAN, Destined for Success, Sorry is Foreign (love, love, love this one).

A review of my book

Author: Xavier J. Frazer

Book: Soul Cry

Reviewed By: Realistic Poetry International

 

Author Xavier J. Frazer did an extraordinary job with his epic compilation of poetry entitled, ‘Soul Cry’, a book of poems that literally provides you with the ultimate reading experience! He opens this poignant poetic volume with a jovial formal introduction that makes for an official literary presentation, coherently representing his beliefs, views, and individuality.

Analyzing the contents, you straightaway recognize the hard work Frazer invested into this poetry classic, as he has each set of poems gathered into their own specific sections: A Trembling Heart; Why Love;What Remains; and lastly, Black Skin; each providing an informative and intelligently perceptive read for the audience! The Author’s talent shines like pure radiance as he pours out articulate verbal expressions that are thought-provoking, evocative, and can even be considered wittingly philosophical. 

 

From start to finish, the written collective is crafted with words that are dressed in intrinsic honor, respect and outspoken compassion; kindling the intellect within the mind, while challenging the transparency of the soul. Each set of poems is distinctly defined by an extreme sense of cultural identity, personalized awareness, and last but not least, valuable and indispensable pieces of wisdom; in which each layer of truth from his words can be stowed away as a perpetual and eternal treasure.

So, whether it be tears of extreme joy or cries of heartrending sadness, we assuredly say to you; in reading this book, you will indeed absorb the enthralling power and influence of a weeping soul. Bravo, Author Frazer.