DIED LIVING

Some days it feels like the walls are closing in

No one hears or listens to the pain I am in,

I wonder if I am cursed or perhaps I have committed an unholy sin.

Always tethered to take the loss,

Not even one chance at winning.

It’s hard to keep my thoughts in check

When all I do is overthink,

My mind always has it foot on the accelerator.

People who I thought would’ve held me down,

Tend to be the ones who has an hold of the knife in my back.

I can’t even breathe a breath of fresh air

the atmosphere of toxicity,

Is all that I live in.

Striving to live, yet still I am struggling,

Needing help but no fucks giving.

In this hell hole I keep sinking,

Quicker than quicksand.

I am dying to live.

Still, I have died living!

©️Xavier J. Frazer

Hi there everyone! I hope all is well? This pass few years has been hard on some of us, if not all of us. Yet with the grace of the heavens we still manage to be pulling through. All I have been doing through this time is penning out my pain as a remedy to pass time. I will be returning with new materials for you all to read and indulge in. Continue to stay safe, keep praying in these trying times.

Light and love to you y’all!

I REMEMBER

I’d once thought of love as fragrance
that produces a long lasting aroma,
An attraction that many can’t ignore,
Then I met you and the scent became unattractive.

Anything graced by your presence dies, be it tangible or not,
Clouds no longer hover above your head without producing lightening,
Before you love was magnificent,
Now I don’t even know what to think.

In my eyes loves color is lost,
An image it use to occupy in my mind
as long since faded,
Birds are now silent for they’ve lost their melodies and daylight has gone into hiding giving birth to only darkness.

The rhapsody lingers no more,
Silence remaining ever present,
You’re the sweetest soul I’d ever met,
But then you became the bitter devil I should’ve avoided.

© Xavier J. Frazer

Information and a Poem

So the haitus I took was much longer than I had expected, nonetheless during that time of self reflection, I have been working on two manuscripts simultaneously. Each manuscript upon completion will take on a life of it’s own.

The first will be befittingly titled DRIED ROSES; this book of poems speaks on matters relating to the pains and woes of being in a toxic relationship. With each gem that is penned the reader will be able to relate whether he/she has had similar experiences.

The second will be befittingly entitled UNORTHODOX MUSING; this book of poems will take you into world of an underserved youth, where anguish, frustration, death, Injustices amongst other things are ever present. With this book you will live through his eyes, die and be saved.

So be on the lookout for these upcoming collections. But before I go here’s a sip, a taste of what DRIED ROSES will be offering;

ABATTOIR

Her personality; abysmal,

An acerbic one

and like

acetylene It gave an ache,

And I was a sheep

to her abattoir.

My death came quick

and painless…

Then I was forgotten.

© Xavier J. Frazer

Ghost To Myself

There’s many storms brewing

Yet, when I present myself to you,

I am as calm as the midday sea

I spend days fighting a never-ending battle,

A war I have no chance of winning.

I pretend to be who I am not

Trapped and restrained the real me,

I’ve have been hurt too many times to count

Injuries they’re overwhelming,

I sit sulking away over a bottle of gin & pineapple juice

Though they do nothing to numb this pain;

I succumbed to my emotions.

My outward appearance seems strong

Yet, behind closed doors, I am like a sponge submerged in water,

Reminiscing with tears as they lose grip of my water-based eyes

Heaven knows I have grown weary of putting on this show,

I tire of the scenes I play

And the all too familiar cast I know,

Still, I await these curtains to come down

Putting an end to this on-going fiasco;

Maybe then I will have some closure.

© Xavier J. Frazer

Its been awhile

Hey guys sorry for my absence, been extremely busy with life and all. I recently got married and I am currently working on two unfinished manuscript. But I will be posting poems, Bi-weekly starting tomorrow.

Lifeless

She waits tirelessly for you
Led on by the false hope
that you reassure her by
She’s covered in scars
Scar’s that can’t be seen by the naked eye
She knows pain
excruciating pain
She’s battered and bruised by your lies
To the fact that she hides from the truth
Her heart its shattered beyond recognition
Emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually
you tore her down
There’s no relief for the hurt she feels
Anaesthetic is useless when her soul is lifeless

Broken

My heart lays before me, returned on the platter i served it on.
Nothing hurts more like rejection from the one i thought i understood.
I’ve lost the strength,
To linger and lust at the sound of your name.
I am done trying to get back with you,
All attempts were futile.
I’ve lost the race,
When all I needed was confidence to win.
You left me broken,
But broken is where I found my strength.
I loved you selflessly,
I got nothing in return for that.
I am done being your fool,
You rejected me, left me to see the worst.
All I gave you was my love,
Was it not enough?
We’re just fragments of what we use to be,
We’re now like a dissipated memory.
We’re like echo’s of a nightmare,
I’ve been cursed to live with.
Though I navigate through tortuous waters and have weathered unbelievable storms.
I am still beyond repair.

© Xavier Frazer

Separate Ways

We’ve been at this for so long,
and it seems like it’s not going nowhere.
Sadly it’s me this time,
or perhaps it’s you.
Something is seriously wrong with our hearts,
they no longer beat as one.
We use to be like chlorine to water,
now we are like a desert without sun.
We fuss, we fight,
we argue every night.
We try to make it work,
That’s all we ever do.
We use to look through the same scope,
sadly we’ve lost all hope.
We went out our way to comfort each other,
it makes no sense.
Why do we even bother?
You once said ” I love my poems more than I love you”,
what you failed to understand you’re the one who inspired them.
My disgust for your annoyance is unfathomable,
only reason why I work your nerves,
I cheated to get back at you,
that was quite immature.
Here’s the cliché,
two wrongs don’t make anything right.
It’s pointless to render an eye for an eye,
all it does is continue this cycle of hurt.
Haven’t you notice the sun hasn’t shine our way in awhile,
causing a drought that has left our stream of compassion and love dry.
It’s better we come to a compromise,
a decision like this is hardest to make when feelings are still involved.
So let’s put our emotions a  side,
And go our separate ways.

© Xavier Frazer

Untitled

I walked a thousand mile
alone,
no one to talk to.
Thinking about you,
all the wonderful times we had.
It was special and all,
but I guess you were just not meant for me.
I thought about calling you,
just to hear your voice.
If only hearing your voice,
would mend
this broken heart of mine.
Perhaps the taunting nightmares,
would cest to haunt me.
Dreams dissipated like,
reflections in water.
Fairy tales are fantasy’s of the mind,
a reality that constantly reminds me that your no longer mine.