DIED LIVING

Some days it feels like the walls are closing in

No one hears or listens to the pain I am in,

I wonder if I am cursed or perhaps I have committed an unholy sin.

Always tethered to take the loss,

Not even one chance at winning.

It’s hard to keep my thoughts in check

When all I do is overthink,

My mind always has it foot on the accelerator.

People who I thought would’ve held me down,

Tend to be the ones who has an hold of the knife in my back.

I can’t even breathe a breath of fresh air

the atmosphere of toxicity,

Is all that I live in.

Striving to live, yet still I am struggling,

Needing help but no fucks giving.

In this hell hole I keep sinking,

Quicker than quicksand.

I am dying to live.

Still, I have died living!

©️Xavier J. Frazer

LOVE EPIDEMIC

I survive everything meant to destroy me,

Yet, you’re the one I couldn’t avoid.

Like a victim, ailing from COVID-19

I have quarantine this pain,

Isolating all these disoriented emotions.

Like David vs Goliath,

I had to fight your giant of a love;

Though it appears I have won this battle,

It turns out I have lost the war.

You sold me a dream,

Then delivered me a nightmare.

You’ve acquired a front-row seat to my suffering,

Only thing remaining is my inevitable death,

And I can see the changes.

So much that I don’t face myself in the mirror,

Being Stephano DiMera;

Our situation was young and restless,

I felt like Bo from days of our lives,

I thought I would never lose Hope.

Being around you was the source of my strength,

Of late it felt like you’re kryptonite;

My weakness.

Fatigue taking over,

I hallucinate on the hour.

It feels like I am being persecuted by an unjust love,

Tortured by a heart that gave you its trust;

And I am at war with my whole being,

For nothing works in accordance with each other.

Now, the future I saw in your eyes,

As become this cursed reality I have to live by.

I wanted us to chase the stars together,

Using their connection to lasso the moon,

I am left to watch them go up in flames.

I blame myself,

I shouldn’t have given you more than your weight.

Now, the burden is overbearing,

And I am left in this miserable state.

©Xavier J. Frazer

Ghost To Myself

There’s many storms brewing

Yet, when I present myself to you,

I am as calm as the midday sea

I spend days fighting a never-ending battle,

A war I have no chance of winning.

I pretend to be who I am not

Trapped and restrained the real me,

I’ve have been hurt too many times to count

Injuries they’re overwhelming,

I sit sulking away over a bottle of gin & pineapple juice

Though they do nothing to numb this pain;

I succumbed to my emotions.

My outward appearance seems strong

Yet, behind closed doors, I am like a sponge submerged in water,

Reminiscing with tears as they lose grip of my water-based eyes

Heaven knows I have grown weary of putting on this show,

I tire of the scenes I play

And the all too familiar cast I know,

Still, I await these curtains to come down

Putting an end to this on-going fiasco;

Maybe then I will have some closure.

© Xavier J. Frazer

Its been awhile

Hey guys sorry for my absence, been extremely busy with life and all. I recently got married and I am currently working on two unfinished manuscript. But I will be posting poems, Bi-weekly starting tomorrow.

Lifeless

She waits tirelessly for you
Led on by the false hope
that you reassure her by
She’s covered in scars
Scar’s that can’t be seen by the naked eye
She knows pain
excruciating pain
She’s battered and bruised by your lies
To the fact that she hides from the truth
Her heart its shattered beyond recognition
Emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually
you tore her down
There’s no relief for the hurt she feels
Anaesthetic is useless when her soul is lifeless