ONE THE INSIDE

Sometimes I wish I knew how to un-fuck myself,

When I say this I am not talking about sex.

Some day’s I am feeling myself,

Then there are those days when I feel nothing.

It’s like being trapped in a place where my thoughts are overbearing,

the weight of the world is nestled on my head,

I have no strength to carry it.

No matter how strong my appearance seem,

All I want to do is pull my hair out and scream.

Nothing makes sense as I clench to what little sanity I have left.

Anxiety holds me captive,

Not as a patriot, but more like a POW.

Between myself and depression a war brews,

I always end up being the casualty.

I come bearing smiles but my body is scarred beyond recognition,

And my soul is like a scared child,

Longing for just a hug or a warm smile.

No one knows the terror I am tormented with,

If they do they still don’t care.

By the things, I do I am classified as being weird.

I kill myself trying to fit in with a crowd that does not need me,

Myself kills me for indulging.

I can’t remember one past time of a happy memory,

Everything reminds me of the cuttings.

Many books decorated with suicide notes.

When I think about it all,

My whole being has always felt like it’s an encampment for little demons;

They are always raging wars.

Still, when I look in the mirror I see true beauty,

I don’t see this person,

I don’t see that person.

I see only me.

©Xavier J. Frazer

Information and a Poem

So the haitus I took was much longer than I had expected, nonetheless during that time of self reflection, I have been working on two manuscripts simultaneously. Each manuscript upon completion will take on a life of it’s own.

The first will be befittingly titled DRIED ROSES; this book of poems speaks on matters relating to the pains and woes of being in a toxic relationship. With each gem that is penned the reader will be able to relate whether he/she has had similar experiences.

The second will be befittingly entitled UNORTHODOX MUSING; this book of poems will take you into world of an underserved youth, where anguish, frustration, death, Injustices amongst other things are ever present. With this book you will live through his eyes, die and be saved.

So be on the lookout for these upcoming collections. But before I go here’s a sip, a taste of what DRIED ROSES will be offering;

ABATTOIR

Her personality; abysmal,

An acerbic one

and like

acetylene It gave an ache,

And I was a sheep

to her abattoir.

My death came quick

and painless…

Then I was forgotten.

© Xavier J. Frazer

Book Announcement

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Good day,

Fellow poet’s and bloggers sorry I’ve been a little bit absent, reason for that I have been working on my first book which will be a compilation of the poems you already know through my blogging here. Along with several other ones you have yet to read. I do hope you guys will continue to support me as you all have already been doing.  I wholeheartedly appreciate all the feedback that you guys have provided for it as contributed to my growth as a writer and I thank you all for that. So I hope your as ready and excited as I am for this book. I will let you guys know when it’s available so stay tune.

Freedom Street

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You can find friends and enemies
alike scurrying along these pothole filled streets,
With tired feet from the many years of mileage,
Though twisted and bumpy they are.
We share one common goal,
That we aim to accomplish before we get old.
To hurdle these obstacles is the hardest part,
But once we do we will be better off.
We are faced with poverty, tribulations and fear,
Almost impossible odds that bring about despair.
Generation after generation burdened by this weight,
The voices of heroes have been ignored.
The path to freedom has been neglected,
As the Great Marcus Mosiah Garvey once said “Emancipate yourself from mental slavery.”
History and time have proven that these words are true,
Then how is it that doubt still lies within me and you.
When he also said “if we have no confidence in self,
We are twice defeated in the race of life, but with confidence we’ve already won.”
Let’s be bold like our ancestors,
For Freedom Street is like a rainbow,
Shining like the sun.
It is the promise,
Of salvation to come.
Home to all,
Yet more important to some.
It is a testament of what we can become.
It is a hope longed for,
Even before slavery had begun.
The voices of our forefathers beckon still,
And thou at times we must chill.
We will not waste our time on corners and lanes,
For how could we be idle and still be sane.
with Garvey’s words carved within our hearts and etched deep in our brains
“Up you mighty race,
You can accomplish what you will!”
On freedom Street is where we all must meet.

Copyright © Xavier Frazer 2016

All rights reserved. Including the rights to reproduce this poem, or portions thereof in any form. No part of this poem may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored, in any form or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical without the express written permission of the author.

Reflection

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Reflection

Looking in the mirror
i see me,
i am ashamed of the man that I have became.

Constant failures to my name,
nothing to show or any accomplishments attained.

Visions yet to be realized,
dreams awaiting to be manifested.
I try my best to impress,
the ones that are already impressed.

I am not where I intended to be,
but I’ll find the life that’s meant for me.

~ Xavier Frazer ©

Insight

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INSIGHT

All you do is talk,
Yet,
you have not walked the walk.
Put yourself in my shoes,
then maybe you will understand the path I choose.

You don’t know my struggles,
You don’t hear my cries.

Inappropriate things I do goes against your style,
You make no room for encouragement.
But have the audacity to label me as wild.

I am no animal,
Nor beast.
I am a just child,
which situations and circumstances, contributes to me being vile.

No remedies for my condition,
nothing justifies your actions.
Placed in institutions,
When all I needed was a sense of direction.
which would have motivated me in becoming the next inspiration.

Do you understand what am saying?
Or do you require more information.
For if you had walked in my footsteps,
then maybe you would have learned something new.

~Xavier Frazer ©

Untitled

My thoughts my words were rejected,
just because they’re not up to par with that of those who are educated.
I am a high school dropout
not a scholar,
so my thoughts couldn’t be written any better.
For once I thought I was unto something great,
instead you marked me absent as if I was late.
Your resenting of my thoughts hurts,
because as an artist you should have known what a craft is worth.

~ Xavier Frazer©